I've read through my essays and found out that basically I had a few problems.
1) Lack of variety in vocabulary
This makes it look like the essay was written in monotone and it does not capture the reader's attention, let alone convince the reader into taking my stand. There is also a difficulty in expressing my exact thoughts into words due to limit vocabulary. I will definitely have to broaden my vocabulary list in order to be effective in expressing my thoughts while still maintaining a variety of tones.
2) Bad essay structure
My essay structure is also very messy and points hardly flow sometimes. The reader's attention is drawn to a particular point and suddenly without a proper address, another point is brought up, resulting in chaos. This results in a difficulty when the reader attempts to piece all my points together. I should write down all the points I would include in the essay and order them in such a way that the ideas flow nicely.
Dictionary.com's Word of the Day can allow for one useful word to be learnt each day. As time passes I believe my vocabulary will gradually build up. http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/
Lesson 2
Comments on paragraph
I thought I should do up a good paragraph that introduces the points that I would like to make in the essay, in a logical and flowing order. Perhaps a rhetoric would be used to get the reader thinking and hopefully interested to continue reading my essay to find out more.
Personally I do not support the use of genetically modified food, so first I will have to source for convincing reasons why I would not support the use of genetically modified food.
Research
Advantages (Why Genetically Modified Food is good / useful / accepted / all the good things)
- Pest resistant
This is especially the case for crops, where bugs like locusts affect yield. With genetically modified food, these food would be "safe" from these bugs without the use of chemical pesticides.
Disadvantages (Which I will focus on)
- Unintended transfer of genes to other organisms (e.g. to us)
These genes may cause a mutation of our genes or affect us negatively if taken for a long time. There is currently very little knowledge about GM Food, and testing the safety of these food requires time, which some corporations are unwilling or unable to spare.
- Allergenicity
Some people are allergic to "common" food components such as peanut and olive oil. By varying the genes of the specific food, the "engineers" must take into consideration many allergies that people have to food. Many of these scientists do not take into consideration these factors though, causing a potential risk to consumer's health.
- High production cost
Genetic modification is a process that requires high technology, which in turn requires large amount of research. Research takes a long period of time and exhausts large amount of funds. Companies that attempt genetic modification would also want to reap profits from the sales, and thus genetically modificed food would be pricey.
Actual Paragraph
Have you ever been so caught up with work, that you wanted to obtain all your daily nutritient needs from a single meal? Your dream would come true with the introduction of genetically modified food! However, stop to think. Genetically modified food may be pest resistant and supply all the goodies that you need to keep going for the day, but there are disadvantages that comes along with those benefits as well. Some people may be allergic to certain genes that are present in "common" food types, unintended transfer of the modified genes to other organisms would take place, and there is a high production cost for genetically modified food.
Comments ( Yong Yi Xiang)
A captivating introduction, makes people reconsider their opinion towards GM food. But is it possible to obtain all ur daily nutrient needs in a single meal of GM food? Maybe you can change the example to something closer to people's lives? Perhaps the dilema that people may face when they come across both GM food and normal crops in supermarkets? Just a random suggestion =D
Lesson 1
I've read through my essays and found out that basically I had a few problems.
1) Lack of variety in vocabulary
This makes it look like the essay was written in monotone and it does not capture the reader's attention, let alone convince the reader into taking my stand. There is also a difficulty in expressing my exact thoughts into words due to limit vocabulary. I will definitely have to broaden my vocabulary list in order to be effective in expressing my thoughts while still maintaining a variety of tones.
2) Bad essay structure
My essay structure is also very messy and points hardly flow sometimes. The reader's attention is drawn to a particular point and suddenly without a proper address, another point is brought up, resulting in chaos. This results in a difficulty when the reader attempts to piece all my points together. I should write down all the points I would include in the essay and order them in such a way that the ideas flow nicely.
Dictionary.com's Word of the Day can allow for one useful word to be learnt each day. As time passes I believe my vocabulary will gradually build up.
http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/
Lesson 2
Comments on paragraph
I thought I should do up a good paragraph that introduces the points that I would like to make in the essay, in a logical and flowing order. Perhaps a rhetoric would be used to get the reader thinking and hopefully interested to continue reading my essay to find out more.
Personally I do not support the use of genetically modified food, so first I will have to source for convincing reasons why I would not support the use of genetically modified food.
Research
Advantages (Why Genetically Modified Food is good / useful / accepted / all the good things)
- Pest resistant
This is especially the case for crops, where bugs like locusts affect yield. With genetically modified food, these food would be "safe" from these bugs without the use of chemical pesticides.
Disadvantages (Which I will focus on)
- Unintended transfer of genes to other organisms (e.g. to us)
These genes may cause a mutation of our genes or affect us negatively if taken for a long time. There is currently very little knowledge about GM Food, and testing the safety of these food requires time, which some corporations are unwilling or unable to spare.
- Allergenicity
Some people are allergic to "common" food components such as peanut and olive oil. By varying the genes of the specific food, the "engineers" must take into consideration many allergies that people have to food. Many of these scientists do not take into consideration these factors though, causing a potential risk to consumer's health.
- High production cost
Genetic modification is a process that requires high technology, which in turn requires large amount of research. Research takes a long period of time and exhausts large amount of funds. Companies that attempt genetic modification would also want to reap profits from the sales, and thus genetically modificed food would be pricey.
Some links:
http://www.csa.com/discoveryguides/gmfood/overview.php
Actual Paragraph
Have you ever been so caught up with work, that you wanted to obtain all your daily nutritient needs from a single meal? Your dream would come true with the introduction of genetically modified food! However, stop to think. Genetically modified food may be pest resistant and supply all the goodies that you need to keep going for the day, but there are disadvantages that comes along with those benefits as well. Some people may be allergic to certain genes that are present in "common" food types, unintended transfer of the modified genes to other organisms would take place, and there is a high production cost for genetically modified food.
Comments ( Yong Yi Xiang)
A captivating introduction, makes people reconsider their opinion towards GM food. But is it possible to obtain all ur daily nutrient needs in a single meal of GM food? Maybe you can change the example to something closer to people's lives? Perhaps the dilema that people may face when they come across both GM food and normal crops in supermarkets? Just a random suggestion =D